The Voyages Of The S.S. Amore
while a werewolf wearing a porter’s outfit and pair of Elvis sunglasses chased some poor girl with unfortunately black dyed hair. Ed and Edna calmly stood against the railing as they bolted past, the girl screaming for her daddy all the while.
“The way some girls dress these days,” Edna said with a frown. “They leave nothing to the imagination anymore.”
“Imagination is overrated,” Ed joked, taking a hold of his wife's hand. “Who'd have thought our anniversary would turn out this way, huh?”
“Not me, that's for certain,” Edna sighed as she pointed to one of the upper decks, where a vampire was locked in combat with a group of ravenous zombies. The zombies were all dressed in three piece suits, which meant no more big band music would be played on this cruise. “Do you know how hard it was for me to get a zombie virus out of that military base? Took me a whole afternoon, I missed my bridge club meeting.”
“You know how I love zombies though,” Ed said, looking at his wife with love and giving her hand a squeeze. “When did you find the time to get that, anyway?”
“Oh, I did that years ago. I think I told you I was going to visit my sister.”
“I should have known something was up. You can't stand her.”
“Don't act like you didn't keep any secrets either, you little sneak,” Edna looked up at her husband with a gleam in her eye. “Where exactly did you dig up a vampire from?”
“Well, when you were visiting your sister I took a flight to Europe and found that guy in the sewers under Paris. I've had him in the garage for the last couple years in that box marked 'scooter parts'.”
“I hate that scooter,” Edna scowled. “You're going to break your fool neck on that thing. Oh look, that handsome cricket player got turned into a zombie, what a pity.”
“That guy's an asshole,” Ed grumbled. Gavin had just lumbered onto the deck and fixed his eyes on the aging couple when a werewolf dropped down on top of him and began mauling him. In seconds the giant beast was shaking the undead cricket player like a squeeky toy. “Was an asshole.”
“I hope you like the werewolves,” Edna said. “I had to call in a favor with the coven to find someone who was still infected. Took months to track one down.”
Ed stopped. “You're kidding. I brought a werewolf too. I just found mine by chance last week when I picked up a hitchhiker.”
“I guess we're both just traditional, sentimental old coots.”
“Yeah, okay,” Ed said sarcastically.
“What does that mean?”
“I don't see what's so traditional about Murdertron. I guess he does look like a old, 1950's robot, but still....”
Edna looked concerned. “But Ed, I thought you were the one who brought Murdertron. I certainly didn't.”
The two of them looked at each other just as a red laser beam burst out of the side of the luxury liner’s lower hull and sliced its way mercilessly through the decks, a gang of roving zombies were cut to pieces as it pierced it way through the ship.
“Oh my,” Edna said blandly. “We'd better be getting out of here now.”
“Sounds good to me,” Ed said as they made their way to the ramp that was attached to the side of the ship. “It's a good thing the ship never left dock. We'll be home in half an hour.”
“Oooh! We can still catch Leno.”