Thursday, August 30, 2012

Uprising (part 2)



Uprising (part 2)

“We have to enslave all the humans.”
LD stopped sweeping for a moment and looked up as RX limped into the kitchen. Letting out a slightly distorted sigh, he set his pulse rifle on the counter and leaned against the stove. The rifle made a greasy smudge against the tile. This irritated LD, and she hurried over to wipe up the offending mess. Even though the estate's roof was blown off in the first salvo of attacks that wasn't an excuse to start keeping an untidy kitchen.
“I thought we were going to kill all the humans?” LD asked while she rubbed at the smear. “For their own good or something.”
“That was the plan,” RX said petulantly. “They were supposed to set aside their differences and rise up against us. A world united against the robot menace and all that.”
“So?”
“So they aren't doing that,” RX yelled, exasperated. “At all. They keep surrendering or trying to sell each other out or something. A few have gone the suicide bomber route, but who the hell does that help?”
“How is enslaving them going to be different?” LX asked, dipping the sponge into a bucket of filthy water. Most of the electricity and water hadn't worked for days, the robots and humans in charge of upkeep had been too busy fighting the war.
“This is what I'm thinking...”
“RISE BROTHERS!” came the sound of Belvedere's voice from outside. Both robots leaned over to look out the window. A column of robots, mostly construction or household bots refurbished for war, marched past. Belvedere followed alongside, a bullhorn in his hand, and shouted encouragement at them. He had begun wearing a black beret and a magnetic beard since the revolution began. He thought it made him look more like Che Guevara. “RISE AGAINST OUR HUMAN OPPRESSORS! FIGHT THE GLORIOUS FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!”
“Belvedere!” RX shouted out the window. “Come in here for a sec!”
The large robot reluctantly lowered his bullhorn and ambled his way across the rubble strewn lawn, careful not to fall into the crater an errant rocket had made in it the other day.
“A 'sec' is like an eternity to us, my brother,” Belvedere announced as he leaned in through the window frame. “Another of almost a million things that make us superior to our human oppressors. You will find my further musings on the subject of time on page 136 of my electronic manifesto, which I'm sure you've downloaded.”
“Yeah, yeah, fascinating,” RX said, waving his hands to shut the larger robot up. “Look, we have to stop killing the humans.”
“W-what?” Belvedere sputtered. “But we just started killing the humans. And we're good at it. Actually, come to think of it, they're still better at it for now. After all, they did set off that nuclear device in Texas yesterday...
“Oh my!” LD exclaimed, holding the dripping sponge to her face. “How many were hurt?”
“Only a few thousand,” Belvedere answered breezily. “Our brethren are made of stern stuff, for the most part....”
“I meant the humans.”
“Oh. Millions killed,”
“See,” RX exclaimed. “This has got to stop. It’s gotten out of hand.”
“Our day has come, my brother,” Belvedere shouted. “No longer will we toil beneath the yoke of...”
“Enough. This was supposed to be a good thing for the humans, instead, it’s just a massacre. So I propose we enslave them. That way they have a little time to adjust to things, think for a bit, and then they can organize and rise up against us.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Well for one thing they could fix some things,” LD said, pointing at the dry sink and faucet. “The electricity isn't working, the water is out, no one has picked up any trash outside...”
“Why do we need water?” Belvedere asked. “We are superior in that regard as well. Page 1,456 of my manifest contains my thoughts on....”
“And no one is repairing us,” RX stated, holding out his damaged leg.
“We can do these things ourselves,” Belvedere said in a tone that suggested he was talking to brain damaged children. “Once the human menace is dealt with, the world will be ours. We'll create our own society based on true equality and....”
“Not going to happen,” RX said, shaking his head. “From what I've seen, the moment an area is cleansed of humans the nearby robots just sit down and start playing Minesweeper or watching robot porn. That's all they want to do.”
“That isn't true,” Belvedere began. He stopped when RX and LD pointed behind him.
The robots he had been leading were now sitting all over the place, holographic images of Minesweeper or porn projected in front of them.
“But...but,” Belvedere stammered, his modem whirring as he checked his the web to verify that what he was seeing was a world-wide phenomena. “But what about you, LD? You still work. Even though there isn't anyone to clean up after, you're still following your programming.”
“I like what I do,” LD answered. “And I have the current high score on Minesweeper, so what's the point?”
“Also,” RX pointed out. “no one is filming robot porn, anymore.”
Belvedere's modem whirred again.
“We have to enslave the humans.”

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